I will never forget the day I found out my sister had Breast Cancer! Sitting at work I just stared at the wall and cried. Feeling so alone and helpless myself I could only imagine how scared she must be. The lump she found in her breast would be removed with a single mastectomy and a summer of chemo. The DOCTORS recommended that she only get a single mastectomy because she was young and still wanted to carry and breast feed a child.

My family approached her and the cancer very cautiously, not knowing what her reaction would be. Much to our surprise she was extremely upbeat and strong only saying," I WILL beat this!!" Going about her life like nothing had changed was so inspiring to me. I often said, though not to her, that I would have crawled up in my bed or bathtub (always mine and my sisters favorite comfort spot) if I was in the same position.

Being a hairdresser I thought she will go crazy when she starts to lose her hair and has to shave it. Instead she came home with the biggest smile and cutest Mohawk I had ever seen on a GIRL! I was so envious of her new found confidence and "I don't give a shit" attitude! Soon after starting chemo I saw less and less of her that summer, ignorantly thinking that she had become selfish and overlooked her "role" in our close family. Throughout her first bought with chemo she rarely missed a day of work and wasn't as sick as I expected. She bought sexy and sassy wigs one in every color and rocked it everyday. Never missing a social event with her extremely active group of friends she continued to look amazing! Having weight issues since high school she quickly started dropping weight and feeling better about herself. I was so jealous! At the end of her chemo treatments and several breast reconstructive surgeries we got the all clear on her cancer.
FOUR months later she found a lump in the other breast and her lymph nodes were swollen not a good sign. Hesitantly going to her doctor it was official the cancer had come back in her other breast. The doctors did a round of tests to see if this rapidly growing cancer had spread. I was with my husband my mom and my sister the night the doctor called. We had all gone to dinner and wanted to be with her awaiting the results from her doctor. After dinner we went to Mervyn's to find her some new comfortable bras. When her phone rang the look on her face said everything. As she sank down the wall to the floor the doctor told her the cancer had spread to her spine, spinal fluid her lymph nodes in her neck and a few spots on her liver! The doctor told her it was terminal and and she had less then 2 years to live!! For the first time she looked and felt defeated! She tried extremely hard to have the same outlook as she had previously but doctors told her nothing but bad news.
From that point on her health went down hill quickly! She got a second mastectomy and started chemo and radiation.
Having recently moved back to LA for my husbands career all I wanted for my birthday was for her and my mom to come visit for my birthday. The guilt I feel now for being mad at her for not being able to come haunts me everyday!!! A week later I went home to visit and asses the situation. My mom picked me up at the airport and immediately took me to the hospital where her husband had taken her the night before for not being able to to hold down any food or water for days. I walked into her room and for the first time she looked so sick! I stayed with her for a few hours as everyone else was at work, trying to get her to eat or drink anything. Suddenly right before my eyes I thought she had a stroke. The right side of her face drooped dramatically, she was slurring her words and she couldn't feel her right arm. Not wanting to scare her I made and excuse and ran out of the room notifying the doctors and requesting an immediate transfer up to the Huntsman Cancer Institute.
Having only planned on coming for a visit I immediately knew there was no way I could go back to California. This time she was severely sick even blacking out for 3 weeks! She suddenly lost her ability to walk or even stand from the cancer on her spine.